Breaking Point
by NZfulla
Summary: None of it's real. The way we look, the way we dress, the way we act. And neither of us can escape from what we've started. - The reason why Jade and Cat are who they are. Their relationship can be whatever you want it to be. Please review and/or PM me. May have more chapters if you want more, you decide what you want. An NZfulla story.
1. Cat

**While I was on holiday I came up with this in the car while traveling and listening to my computer and I spent four hours coming up with it and thinking about it but I couldn't write it down so now I am. This is probably going to stay a one-shot unless you guys really want another chapter in which case I could probably stretch to a two-shot. But this probably isn't going to be a main story of mine. Just saying. Slight AU I think... Enough of my rambling let's get to it :)**

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING! NOT THE CHARACTERS OR ANYTHING! ALL RIGHTS GO TO THEIR RESPECTFUL OWNERS!**

**The song I used is Ariana Grande's version of 'Love the way you lie'. I had to remove the lyrics but I based this story off of the lyrics in the song and I'm sure you guys can figure out where abouts they were.**

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Some people wonder why me and Jade are friends. We seem so different, her being the mean goth girl who is very talented but has an attitude problem and me being the ditzy red-head that's always confused, loves candy and has a strange brother with a special turtle. The truth is much different than what everyone guesses.

The truth is that we aren't really what we seem to be. My brother in fact, is not even the slightest bit weird at all, although he is much older than me and goes to college. Also Jade is really one of the nicest, most generous people I've ever known. Or rather, she _was_. When we first were accepted into Hollywood arts, our dream school, we thought we were on top of the world. But the reality was that we were new and we didn't have anything, unidentified faces lost in a crowd of talent.

So we came up with an idea, to change our personalities and ourselves so we could stand out. I wasn't much into the idea but Jade wanted it so I went along with it, like always. I guess even back then I adored her, she could do no evil. I loved her. Even though I could tell she hid some things from me. So we became the people you know us as.

Jade really got into her role, she managed to convince me to dye my hair red while she got her's done black with streaks. She even started hanging out with some of the more popular girls in the school. Two girls in particular took an interest in her. Blonde twins named Jenna and Kate. The two girls who seemed to make it their mission to make life hard for me.

Of course being popular made her stand out and she was one step closer to achieving her goal of singing at the big showcase concert the school put on every year. She was certainly talented enough. So I was happy. Happy that she'd made some friends, even if they weren't the nicest to me.

Jade started to hang out with me after school less and less until she only ended up coming over to apologize for something she, or her 'friends' had done to me at school that was particularly nasty.

But she was happy so I was happy.

One day at school our vocal teacher told us that he was considering both of us to perform at the showcase concert but since he couldn't decide between us, he was going to have us have a sing-off in class. Jade had acted unconcerned at the time but after school she came over to my house and told me she was going to pull out so that I could sing. It was the first friendly thing she had done in weeks, but of course I couldn't let her do that. Her father was going to be attending that show and if he heard she'd dropped out he would be furious. I stubbornly resisted and told her I would pull out instead. It took a while but she eventually relented.

The next day I expected her to at least be less ganky than usual but of course that was wishful thinking. I remember that on that day I was getting some stuff from my locker, drinking some coffee from Jet Brew, playing an energetic character all the time was exhausting so I had turned to coffee to keep me going, when Jade and the twins came up to me.

"We heard that you didn't want to face Jade because you knew you would lose and didn't want to face it." They had said. "Let's be honest, singing is really all you have and... well. You're not even that good at it in the first place."

Jade didn't even blink at their words. But she was my friend and they were her friends. So I was happy. I kept repeating that in my head, like a mantra. It worked, for a little while at least.

"It's so pathetic, you don't even deserve to walk in these hallways." They said. "Is that coffee? You don't deserve to drink it. Coffee is better and worth more than you."

Then they ripped it away from me and walked off. Jade still saying nothing, followed after them. I tried not to let their words get to me, I even tried to joke about it by saying 'That coffee was black, like their souls.' But after that incident I never drank coffee again.

Jade on the other hand always had coffee everyday after that, the twins always laughed when they saw it in her hands. It like their little personal joke. But I didn't say anything. They were Jade's friends. And she was mine. So I was happy.

Weeks passed and then it was time for the big showcase, I almost didn't go but even if I wasn't Jade's best friend anymore she was still mine. So I went and sat in the front row and watched the performances pass. Then it was her turn.

She strutted on stage and everyone seemed to be captured by her beauty. She looked perfect. She started her song and her voice sounded like an angel, she looked like an angel. She was an angel, and she looked happy. So I was happy.

After the show I headed backstage to congratulate her, and she had a look on her face I hadn't seen since we were told we got in to Hollywood Arts. She had another coffee in her hand which made me falter. She frowned slightly and started to head over to me in what seemed like honest concern but stopped when the two twins ran over to her.

"Oh my god Jadey you were awesome!" One screamed.

"Yeah Jay you were like the best EVER!" The other screamed. "Are you going to the after-party?"

I remember thinking that Jade had never previously like nicknames but when I looked at her all traces of the old her were gone again.

"Yeah, sure." She rolled her eyes in her typical 'whatever' way.

I also remembered thinking that she hated parties. But then I remembered that we weren't supposed to be ourselves, so I reacted the way they expected me to.

"Ooh, I love parties!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, well you're not invited." The twins sneered, only now noticing my presence.

"Aww." I pouted, even though I really didn't want to go anyway.

"Don't make that face, it doesn't do anything to make you look better." Jenna said.

"I bet I know what would." Kate looked at Jade and smirked she grabbed Jade's coffee and dumped it all over my head, it wasn't as hot as I know it could be but it was still hot and it burned. "There, much better."

Jade twitched slightly but she still did nothing.

"O-ooh, I love taking coffee baths." I winced as it seared my scalp, but I refused to cry. They were Jade's friends... so I was happy. I was happy... but I was still in pain. But not from the coffee, I could barely even feel it anymore. This being someone I'm not was so hard. Even so, I would not cry. Not in front of them. I was _not _going to cry... but it was so hard, and I was going to cry.

"One time my brothe-..." I started to say in traditional Cat fashion, but Jade cut me off.

"Can I talk to Cat for a minute?" She asked and they nodded and left snickering. She had always known when I was about to cry.

"Cat..." She whispered as I wiped coffee from my face and wrung my hair out, trying to stop the tears that were still threatening to fall. I said nothing.

"Cat please..." She tried. She sounded completely apologetic and sorry but still I said nothing. "Kitty..."

Hearing her call me my old nickname pushed me over the edge and the tears started to fall.

"Cat, I'm sorry about them. I'm sorry about the coffee, I'm sorry about being mean to you. I'm sorry about the concert I should have just let you do it. I'm sorry abou-" She started, stepping forward and reaching her hand out to me.

"I'm not crying because of the coffee, or because of the concert, or because of you or them." I speak finally, my voice cracking on the last word. She stilled in her movement.

"Then... why?" She asked, barely audible even in the silent room.

"I can't do this anymore Jade! I'm tired of being someone I'm not!" I whirled to face her. "I just... I can't do this. I didn't like the idea in the first place but I went along with it anyway, because you wanted to."

"Cat... Please... I can't do this without you..." She said, her face pained, but her eyes shielded like they had been since the day we made the pact. "You're stronger than you think you are... I need you to do this... Please I can't-..."

She was interrupted by the twins coming back into the room.

"Are you done comforting the stray?" Jenna asked with a sneer.

"Looks like it's been rolling in the garbage again." Kate sniffed at me.

"I was just going to give her some candy." Jade lied flawlessly before pulling out some and shaking them towards me. Her eyes pleading with me to play along, at least for a little longer. She'd said she needed me to do it. So I would, just for a little longer.

"Ooh, I love candy!" I exclaim, grabbing it and eating it.

"Now what were you supposed to forget?" She asked.

"What was I forgetting?" I asked, mouth full of candy. I wanted to keep talking to her, I hadn't had a real conversation with her in forever. But it wasn't going to happen. And I was going to play along with her game because she told me she needed me to.

Jade looked relieved and the twins laughed at me and walked out of the door with an 'Are you coming Jay?' being shouted out through the door as they went.

She gave me a thankful and apologetic look as she followed after them.

I kept replaying her words in my head throughout the days. _I need you to do this... I can't do this without you... you're stronger than you think you are. _It helped, a little. I think Jade must've said something to the twins because they didn't come over and insult me as much anymore. As much. They still do, and Jade still doesn't say anything while they do.

And Jade started to come back over to my place after school again, but never for long.

I haven't cried since the concert, but sometimes I want to. Being energetic 24/7 is draining the life out of me slowly. But I'm helping Jade by doing it. Or so she says. So I'm happy. I'm happy...

I almost tried to quit on Jade again a few weeks after the showcase when everybody started using candy as an attempt to distract me. It still stung to know that people thought that I was as absentminded as I appeared to be. But one look at her face caused me to abandon that thought before it had even started to fully form.

After a while I started to have trouble finding where the real Cat began and the other me ended, so I ended up being a mixture of both while I was at home. It confused and concerned my parents when sometimes I seemed more absent-minded than I used to be or accidentally started jumping up and down when there were mentions of candy. I was getting rather concerned myself.

I felt like I was losing my own mind to myself. But it was getting easier and easier to be the Cat everyone at school expected me to be. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not.

Eventually the twins got bored of me not reacting to their taunts so they just let me be. _That _was a good thing. However, they soon bored of Jade too and she lost some of her popularity because of it. Then she was just a big mass of anger 99% of the time. She also stopped coming over again.

Eventually she came to hang out with some of the friends I had gathered in my music classes. Andre, Beck and Robbie with his puppet Rex wouldn't have been her first choice in friends but it seemed she found they were entertaining enough.

It also meant I got to see her more than I had been at school. I couldn't decide whether this was good or not. But it always hurt to see her as someone I didn't really know anymore, and it was confusing to realize that I didn't even know myself anymore.

I could see that she could tell I was seriously confused, not in the usual way everyone was used to, but I don't think she knew what from. _I'm not as strong as you think I am Jade... I'm breaking._

Although I was at war with myself because of it, Jade was right. Being different had gotten me noticed. I had been asked to perform at the full-moon jam and since Jade could perform at this one too I accepted.

I stare out at the cheering crowd as I finish my song. Everyone was applauding me, except for one person who looked like she was about to cry. Because she knew that the song I had sang was more than just one I picked out at random. (**A/N **For those of you who didn't guess she sang the song this story was based on.)

I smile tightly one last time at the applauding crowd of students before I practically run off of the stage. As great as I always found performing and singing, I couldn't stay there any longer.

I get changed almost at the speed of light and then I run out to find my parents car waiting for me, they were keeping a close eye on me after last week.

Last week they had found me almost having a mental break down in my room and had taken me to a doctor. He had told them he had found nothing wrong with me physically, but there had been an issue with the psychological testings.

He told my parents that I appeared to be under immense mental stress and that they should take me to a psychiatrist. When they asked why he had said that I appeared to have a multiple-personality disorder, but that his word was not final and that they should have it clarified with a psychiatrist.

So we did and the psychiatrist confirmed what I already know. That I have MPD.

I dreaded going to school on monday, even though I had argued for hours with my parents to let me keep attending and not pull me out. By tomorrow everyone would know.

The school had agreed not to reveal it to anybody but the staff until after the concert. But now it was over, and despite my protests the students would have to be notified.

The car pulled to a stop at my house and I walked in a zombie-like trance to my room. I collapsed in a ball on my bed. I don't blame Jade for anything but, sometimes I would have rather stayed an unidentified face in a sea of talent.

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**This came out more depressing than I intended but... stories write themselves. I have another chapter so if you'd like it I'll post it. Let me know in a review or a PM. I appreciate feedback. I don't know how I feel about this chapter but you guys are what's important so let me know. :) Stay Frosty! (For those who are new to me and my stories that means 'keep cool!' lol. Because you guys are cool.)**

**-NZfulla**


	2. Jade

**Chapter two has arrived, when I wrote this I didn't know if you'd want a second but apparently one of you does or else I wouldn't be posting this.**

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When I first arrived at Hollywood Arts I was on top of the world, it was my dream school and I got to attend with my best friend Cat Valentine. But I soon realized that being new meant you didn't get noticed and that you had to be noticed to get to perform at the concerts the school put on.

That's where my father comes in. His dream for me is to be a big star, whether at singing, dancing, or acting. He didn't care, as long as it was good for his reputation. Being faceless was not a good thing in his opinion, and in his mind he had always thought of Cat as being an unnecessary distraction and a bad influence on me, even though she was the most hard-working and good person I know. So naturally he blamed this on Cat.

He gave me a choice, either get more noticed by any means possible or he would get Cat removed from the school so Jade could focus. He had many connections, and I hated it. But my decision was obvious.

He told me the only way to get noticed is to be different, somebody interesting and unique. He then told me that at the moment I was none of those things. He said that I'd have to change my entire self, but not let anyone find out about it.

I didn't want Cat to worry when I changed me though, so I proposed the idea to her in the form of a game. She looked rather skeptical but she went along with it. I became a bossy, mean girl with an attitude and she became clueless, candy loving, and ditzy.

I went home and told my father about my choice in character and he said it wasn't his first choice but it was acceptable and it would get me noticed.

I didn't tell him about telling Cat though. Telling nobody meant _nobody. _Not even my mother was going to be informed of the change. She was going to freak out.

He told me that to be that sort of character though I needed a change of wardrobe. He bought me an entire new set of clothes. He told me dying my hair would be best too. I convinced Cat to dye her hair too, I didn't want to have to go through this alone. Even if it was unfair of me to put this on her.

A few days into my change a couple of girls began to take an interest in me, two blonde chicks called Jenna and Kate. They were popular, and being popular was what this entire thing was about so I let them. They stuck themselves to my side.

I came home to find my Dad furious. He's somehow found out that I'd told Cat.

'That girl is bad news! She will ruin your career! She's already got you disobeying me! I'm pulling her out right now!'

I protested and fought against him with all I had, she deserved to go to our school and I wasn't going to let him rip her dream away from her.

I told him if he let her go to the school I wouldn't hang out with her anymore, and eventually he relented. He got his way, he always does.

I slowly stopped going to her house after school and when I did I always had to tell my Dad that I was going someplace else, but it was getting harder and harder to go over when I knew he had people following me.

I saw the twins being mean to Cat but I couldn't do anything about it or else my dad would pull her out, and the girls got suspicious when I didn't join in on their teasing.

I went over to apologize when the twins and I were mean to her but even that was pushing the boundaries. I could tell she was finding it difficult and that she didn't understand why and I wished I could tell her. But I couldn't.

Our vocal teacher told us that he was trying to decide between us to perform at the big showcase concert, I had been so awful to her recently that I was going to just give up the show so she could perform but when I went over to inform her of it she stubbornly resisted.

She told me she knew my father was going to be there and that she knew what the show meant for me so she was pulling out whether I wanted her to or not. Eventually I gave in. I would do anything she asked me to do at the moment, even if I knew it wasn't fair on her.

But when I left her house I got home to find my Dad furious again, he had found out about my visit to Cat.

I told him that I had gotten her to give up the spot in the showcase concert and his anger vanished. Even though the lie burned my insides it was the only thing I could do to stop him from doing something rash.

The day after the twins ran over to me and started chattering about how cat had pulled out. I wondered how they heard about that but before I had time to ask they dragged me over to her at her locker.

"We heard that you didn't want to face Jade because you knew you would lose and didn't want to face it." They had said. "Let's be honest, singing is really all you have and... well. You're not even that good at it in the first place."

It made me feel sick that these girls were insulting my best-friend and that I couldn't do anything about it. But I couldn't let that show, not even a little bit for Cat's sake.

"It's so pathetic, you don't even deserve to walk in these hallways." They said. "Is that coffee? You don't deserve to drink it. Coffee is better and worth more than you."

Then Jenna took her coffee and the twins walked away laughing, I trailed after them feeling terrible inside.

When we were away from Cat I asked them for the coffee and they gave it to me, I took a sip and found her coffee tasted exactly the way I knew it would. It was something familiar and it made me think of Cat. Although it made me miss her tremendously and feel really bad for doing this to her, it reminded me of her.

So everyday since that day, before school, I took a detour to the coffee shop I knew she went to every morning to get her coffee and ordered one exactly how I knew she liked it. She was never there, and I noticed that she didn't drink coffee anymore and I felt guilty every time I saw her hands empty at school in the morning. But I always bought one, as it made me feel slightly closer to Cat during the day.

The twins thought it was me making fun of her but it wasn't, and I really hope she didn't take it that way.

Soon enough the showcase arrived, I almost expected Cat to not be there and the thought hurt my heart but when I walked on stage she was right there in the front row. Even after all I had done to her. Although, I thought bitterly, she might be here for somebody else.

Either way I started to sing, and the entire crowd seemed to be taken by my voice. When I was done everyone applauded, even Cat. She was jumping up and down and whooping. So I smiled but then I realized that her character always had to be excited about everything, so I was unsure.

After the show I was hanging out backstage, drinking more of my Cat styled coffee when Cat herself appeared and started towards me. He eyes found my coffee and she faltered, I frowned realizing that she did take it like I was making fun of her which was not my intention at all. I started towards her but then the twins came crashing into me squealing, bringing me back to the real-world. One that I can't be seen with Cat in.

They congratulated me and called me annoying nicknames and started talking about some after-party that I really didn't want to go to but I agreed anyway because of what my dad would say.

Cat reacted in character even though I could see in her eyes that she hurt still.

"Ooh, I love parties!" She exclaimed.

"Yeah, well you're not invited." The twins sneered at her causing me to twitch slightly, but unnoticeably.

"Aww." Cat pouted, I knew she didn't really want to go anyway. A hatred of parties was just one thing we shared.

"Don't make that face, it doesn't do anything to make you look better." Jenna said.

"I bet I know what would." Kate looked to me and smirked she grabbed my coffee and dumped it all over Cat's head. "There, much better."

I twitched again and I'm sure that Cat noticed but she said nothing. I could tell it was burning her but she still tried not to react.

"O-ooh." She stammered slightly. "I love taking coffee baths."

I could tell she was trying hard not to cry and I felt guilty all over again, I didn't have to force her into this but I did and now look where it got her.

"One time my brothe-..." She started but I cut her off not going to let her burn herself for my sake.

"Can I talk to Cat for a minute?" I asked and they nodded and left snickering.

"Cat..." I whispered as she tried to clean herself up. She said nothing.

"Cat please..." I tried, I feel awful and I know I deserve her ignoring me but I really needed to here her speak. It was selfish of me but I missed her so much. "Kitty..."

As soon as she heard her nickname I always used to call her she burst into tears.

"Cat, I'm sorry about them. I'm sorry about the coffee, I'm sorry about being mean to you. I'm sorry about the concert I should have just let you do it. I'm sorry abou-" I started, stepping forward and reaching my hand out to her.

"I'm not crying because of the coffee, or because of the concert, or because of you or them." She speaks finally, her voice small and cracking on the last word. I freeze.

"Then... why?" I ask, just as quietly even though I'm sure I already know the answer.

"I can't do this anymore Jade! I'm tired of being someone I'm not!" She whirled to face me, tears streaming down her face and somewhere behind her eyes I saw something broken. "I just... I can't do this. I didn't like the idea in the first place but I went along with it anyway, because you wanted to."

"Cat... Please... I can't do this without you..." I said desperately. I was being selfish again and I wanted to tell her it all but If I did then my dad would take her out of school. "You're stronger than you think you are... I need you to do this... Please I can't-..."

Then the twins came back in the room.

Then they insulted Cat again, and I had to hide my arm behind my back so they didn't see my clenched fist that I really wanted to throw at their faces. I guess my fake personality was becoming real bit by bit.

"I was just going to give her some candy." I lied, pulling some candy out of my pocket and shaking the bag towards me. I needed her to play along for just a bit longer, until I could get my dad to see it wasn't necessary for this to be like this anymore. I had already performed at the showcase, people already knew me.

She played along, I don't know whether that was good or bad.

"Ooh, I love candy!" She grabbed the bag and started eating it.

"Now what were you supposed to forget?" I asked, wincing inside.

"What was I forgetting?" She asked mouth full of candy.

The twins laughed and walked out of the door shouting back to me. I followed, but I made sure I showed her I was thankful and still sorry as I left.

I told Jenna and Kate to ease up on Cat, it wasn't fair to her and I already felt bad. I don't know if it made a difference but I hope it did. They didn't seem to verbally abuse her as often as they did.

My dad loosened up his restraints on me a little since I had performed so well at the concert. It was just enough for me to start going back over to Cat's house. We always avoided the elephant in the room when I did though, neither of us really wanted to deal with that.

I did notice however that Cat's broken look in her eyes didn't fade away since the concert. It grew instead. I also noticed that she was acting more and more like the other Cat instead of herself when I was over. I felt so guilty knowing that I was most likely causing this but she never mentioned it so I thought it must not be as bad as I think it is.

The twins eventually got bored of Cat which was great, except that soon after they also got bored of me and cast me away. My dad then put an end to my visits to Cat so I was just a big ball of anger all the time.

I decided that I couldn't just not see my best friend, even though I didn't act like it, and went to hang out with her and some of the friends I'd noticed she'd made. I was happy for her, she found some new friends. Even though they didn't know the real her. That thought was like a wrecking ball of guilt to my stomach.

Her friends themselves were entertaining enough so I was content for a teeny while.

Cat and I got asked to perform at the full-moon jam and this time she accepted. I wanted to back out but my dad was having none of that. A week before the concert Cat went unusually quiet all the time, everyone seemed concerned. Even the teachers, they started to be extra careful with her which made my anxiety and suspicion grow.

But I went and did my performance at the full-moon jam. But then it was Cat's turn. I really hoped she did well. And she did. She was amazing. Everyone was entranced by her singing. It was filled with emotion and it was the best I'd ever heard but it made me feel so guilty. She sang a version of 'Love the way you lie' that broke my heart. Because I knew she was using it as a metaphor for her life recently.

And now I'm running backstage to talk to her but she's already running off to get in her parents car.

I decide to go to the only teacher I trust, Sikowitz. I search all over for him and finally find him backstage with an actor who immediately runs in fear when I approach. Good, that'll make things easier.

I demand he tell me what was going on with Cat. I had seen all the teachers watching her, and being careful around her as if she was fragile and she could break at any moment.

"Well, the students weren't supposed to find out about it until monday..." He says slowly, and it was the first time I'd ever seen him so serious. "But I remember you and Cat used to be very close friends so..."

I never had convinced Sikowitz that I was always like this. He was an acting teacher after all, and though he'd said I was a brilliant actor. He saw right through me. He didn't know why but he knew what I was doing, and he knew what it was doing to Cat. He tells me that he's angry at himself for not putting a stop to it sooner.

"What happened Sikowitz?" I ask my voice breaking and for the first time in a long time I sound like the old me.

"Cat has..." He begins, apparently not knowing how to phrase it. "Well she..."

"She what?.." I ask in a small voice. He sighs.

"Cat has been diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder." He speaks slowly.

My whole world tipped upside down. Multiple Personality Disorder. I had forced Cat to be somebody else and now she had MPD. It was all my fault. I felt sick to my stomach.

"Jade?.." I vaguely hear him ask concerned. "Are you okay?"

That was the last I heard before my hearing turns funny and everything turns black. My last thoughts being 'All my fault.' before the darkness consumed me.

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**Two chapters completed! I suppose I might be able to write a third if you guys really like it. Let me know! I love hearing from you guys! Stay frosty!**

**-NZfulla**


	3. Who am I?

**I give you chapter three! To go with my three reviews so far. :) Thanks for reading my story and if you were one if the two who reviewed me then double thanks xD Anyway on with the next chapter.**

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Walking down the corridor was like all my nightmares coming true at once, everyone was looking at me... Everyone was looking at me. All conversation in the entire hall ceased as one by one they saw us, ugh I mean _me_.

I keep forgetting that the person that does all the crazy, insane stuff is still me. It doesn't feel like me anymore, it feels like I'm looking at someone else doing all these things from inside their body.

But it's _my _body, it's _me _doing this stuff. I _can _stop doing it. I have to keep reminding myself that... like the psychiatrist told me to... But I'm getting away from the point.

Everyone was looking at me, and not like they normally do. Normally they just look at me like 'What the heck is she doing now?' but now they're all looking at me like I'm a bomb waiting to explode. They all shared the same expression, _Pity. _I guess they were all told already. We, ugh... _I _had been hoping for a little bit more time.

They were everywhere, looking at me.I almost started to hyperventilate. Wherever I went, their eyes followed. I felt helpless, trapped with no way out. Then I found myself outside a familiar door and I threw it open, desperate to escape their incessant staring.

I stepped inside the familiar space and locked the door behind me. I glanced around the small empty space which surprisingly made me feel less trapped than I did outside. I noted the mops and the cleaning fluids on the shelves. The janitors closet. I was safe here.

I slid down the wall behind me taking deep breaths, school hadn't even started yet and already it was almost too much to bear.

_'You could just leave, and never come back.' _A voice spoke to me in my head.

_'I can't leave... not yet...' _I thought back.

_'Why not? They don't know the real you, they wouldn't even miss you.' _The other voice spoke.

_'Jade needs me...' _I told myself weakly for the millionth time, I was less convincing every time.

_'You don't really believe that do you? She doesn't need you. She doesn't need anyone. She's strong, she can handle it.' _The voice told me, and for the first time since Jade had talked to me after the showcase concert, I didn't argue back with my voice.

It was true, Jade was strong. Jade could do this on her own, her behavior recently only reinforces that fact in my mind. She didn't need anybody's help, especially not mine. She'd proved that many times.

_'Exactly, she doesn't need you. You even admit it to yourself. So why stay?' _The voice speaks.

It was a good question, why stay if she doesn't need me anymore? _Not everything is about Jade... _ I remind myself, and that revelation causes the answer to come to me quickly.

_'Because if I leave then all of this would have been nothing.' _I reply, more surely now.

_'That we _can_ agree on. She doesn't need you, and by realizing that, you also realize that _you _don't need _her._' _The voice says. _'So what are you going to do about it?'_

_'I'm going to stop being what she wanted me to be.' _I decide. _'I'm going to be me, and I'm going to show her that I can make it on my own.'_

_'Then stop moping about in here, and get back out there.' _The voice says and I stand up, ready to start again. I take a breath, unlock the door and step out into the corridor.

Everyone's still staring, but I ignore them now. Instead I look down the rows of faces until I see the ones I want to see. I stride towards my group of friends, with newfound resolve. I'm halfway there when I see _her_.

_She's_ standing with them. I am about to turn and run back the way I came before they can see me when she looks up at me. She's seen me. Now I have to make a choice, stay or go?

Before I have even the slightest chance to consider which one to choose she looks at me with a look I haven't seen on her face ever before_. _Then she quickly covers it up and starts practically running in the other direction, just like I had been planning on doing.

I never got to make my choice, so I decided to keep walking like it hadn't happened. I walk up to my friends who are all looking at me with mixed expressions. All of them are watching me, obviously in concern but only Tori is trying to hide it with a welcoming smile.

I falter slightly when I reach the group, unsure of what to say. 'Hi guys! Whats up?' didn't seem like the thing to say in this situation... But again, before I have the chance to decided for my self, somebody makes the decision for me.

"Hey Cat, we got you some candy?" Beck offers me, and I know he's waiting to get the reaction he _always _gets. With me jumping up and down, all worries supposedly forgotten. I look around their expectant faces and I realize they're all waiting for it too.

The pain of nobody knowing the real me hits me twice as hard this time. I didn't want to believe it was true, but knowing for sure now just feels like I've been run over by a bus, then backed over s the driver can make sure he got me.

"No thanks..." I choke out quietly, in a voice that's so unlike the me I'm used to. It almost makes me freeze, but I continue anyway. "Don't feel like it today..."

The looks on each and every single one of their faces would have been priceless if it didn't hurt so much.

They all looked like they'd seen Jesus walking through the school or something. But I knew it was just because they'd seen something they never thought they'd ever see in their lifetimes. Which just made it hurt all the more.

Beck was the first to recover, possibly because he's known me the longest and he might actually remember a time when I wasn't so... well like I am.

"Well... If you want some you know we have some... okay Cat?" He said, unsurely. "Do you need anything? Like food, coffee..."

I flinched inwardly at his last option. I still remembered that particular incident with Jade like it was yesterday...

Tori was the next to recover, possibly because she'd known me the least... I don't know...

"...Or just a friend?" Tori offered. Her voice seemed to snap the others out of it but, all they could do was nod in agreement.

"No thanks..." I mumbled quietly. "I was just going to go to Lane, I have to go check in with him before and after school everyday..."

I trail off, that was a lie, I only had to go see Lane at Lunch. I just don't know if I could handle talking about _it_ with them. Even if they are my friends... It's just too hard. They didn't seem to notice though, as far as they were concerned I'd never told a lie before. Little did they know my whole personality is a lie...

"Okay... well..." Beck frowned slightly not knowing quite what to say. Have fun? Keep safe? Good luck? None of them seemed appropriate. I saved him the trouble.

"I'm late actually so... yeah... I got to go..." I mumble again and I turn and walk away quickly. I frown as I walk, is that the way the real Cat used to talk to her friends? Shy and quiet? Or was I loud and hyper?

The more I think about it now, the more I can't remember exactly who _is _the real Cat. I've lost myself, and the only thing I have left is the personality that everyone knows and is used to. I don't even know if any of that was real or fake anymore.

Who am I? I don't know anymore.

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**Well, that's that. It's really short but I didn't exactly feel quite so motivated to update this one, but oh well. Here it is anyway. Please review! If you want more or less or if you want something in particular you have to let me know! Or else I can't help you. I'm not psychic :0 anyway... Thanks again for reading! Love you all! Remember... stay frosty!**

**-NZfulla**


	4. Is this who I am?

**Sorry guys! It's been a while hasn't it? I had a few problems to sort out and I've had homework dumped all over me so it's been hard. In fact I'm supposed to be doing my math homework right now... but I've decided to stop procrastinating and just get on with it now :) so here is the latest installment...**

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My hands grip my lunch tray so tightly, the knuckles are white. My feet trudge along the ground as I slowly make my way to our usual lunch table. I've been dreading this but I've decided it's for the best if I stop moping about it and get on with finding the real me.

I took a deep breath, as if it would reassure me, and then started to walk more surely towards the usual group, save for Jade whom I had not seen since her sudden departure from the group a few days ago.

"Hey guys!" I said placing a grin on my face and sitting down beside Andre on the edge of the seats.

"Hey, little red." Andre looked up with an unsure smile before his expression turned to a mix of surprise, concern and confusion. "Uhh, is it just me or is little red not so read anymore."

I picked up a bit of my hair and twirled the unfamiliar looking locks, it had been so long since I'd seen anything but bright red there. It felt a lot better getting it dyed back to the natural brown that I was, it was the one thing I knew of myself before.

"Nope I'm seeing it too." Tori nodded with just the same seemingly awed expression.

"Jeez, I just dyed it back to normal." I said, feeling suddenly self conscious.

"You mean to tell me that your natural hair colour isn't red?" Rex joked, but his owner seemed just as surprised and confused as the others.

"Oh go shove it, puppet." I growled, seemingly causing everyone at the table to go into shock.

"Woah girl, chillax." Andre exclaimed.

"Yeah, calm yo' pretty little head." Rex laughed. I growled again and ripped the arm off of the puppet and hurled it as far as I could, which turned out to be pretty far.

"Ah! Caaaat!" Robbie protested and ran off to retrieve the missing limb.

I turned back and sat down to see the whole table staring at me.

"What?" I grumbled.

"I wasn't aware that Jade was going to be dressing up as a Cat today." Andre commented and I was half-way through rolling my eyes when I realized that was exactly the attitude I had just adopted near the end.

"Sorry..." I mumbled guiltily.

"Nope it's Cat." Beck laughed patting me on the head. "Jade never apologizes."

I sighed at the action and went to stand up, leaving my untouched lunch behind.

"Wait Cat! Don't leave!" They protested but I waved them off.

"Don't worry about it I'm just not hungry anymore." I said, and it was true. I'd lost my appetite. I started to walk away when I felt the sudden urge to look up.

There _she _was. Standing just by the doors I was headed, I contemplated turning around but she was walking towards me.

Despite my best efforts I couldn't help but hope she was going to come talk to me, and so I kept walking, and after what seemed to be forever we met in the middle and...

She kept walking. She didn't even glance at me. Maybe she didn't recognize me with the new hair but I found that highly unlikely.

The little bits of hope were squashed beneath the enormous boot of the giant named 'reality'. She didn't need me. Not like the little parts of what was left of me needed her. She only needed me to be her play toy, to fool me into thinking I was important.

If I really was 'important' she wouldn't make me do this. She wouldn't make me into somebody else for her own sick benefit. No, she wouldn't be doing that ever again.

So I kept walking as well, away from her and away from it all. I refocused on my goal, I needed to find myself. But to do that I needed to think, and the one time I could truly do _that _was when I was singing. I needed to get lost in some music.

So I pushed open the doors of the school and headed to the black box theatre. I would try to find myself there.

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**That was very short after a really long break but I promise I will post the next chapter soon if I get a good response and you still want me to continue! Thanks to everyone who reviewed me! and to all the people who have read my story :) love you all. Stay frosty.**

**-NZfulla**


	5. I Broke her

**Sorry I've taken a while but here I am! Writing a new chapter! Sorry to those of you who've been waiting on a chapter on my other stories... it's just I'm having writers block and need inspiration. It's a good thing I've had this chapter planned out for a while, or else you might not be getting one :P anyway on with the story since I know some of you are impatient... in fact I bet you already skipped this note :0 so mean... anyway haha... :) on with the story!**

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I tried to keep my heart from pounding out of my chest as I stepped into the lunch area. I scanned our table of friends for familiar red hair and when I didn't see it I felt sad, even though it was hard pretending I didn't want to see her I really did miss my best friend.

I still feel so bad for causing her so much trouble, with the multiple personality disorder and everything else. It was unfair of me to ask this of her, I know. It's selfish, because I knew I couldn't live with myself if I started ignoring her for no reason and caused her pain. At least I had a reason to give her for this, even if it was far from the truth.

I started to walk to my usual spot until I spotted an extra figure at our lunch table, and I stand rooted to the spot when she turns around and started walking towards me. It _was _Cat... and she'd... dyed her hair back to brown... Which means I was all alone pretending to be somebody I wasn't...

I didn't want her to see me cry so I put my head down and started walking, just wanting to get out of her line of sight before I started crying. How I had missed her old hair colour so much, but the sight of it only confirmed the reality of the situation. My best friend had given up on me. I blinked away my tears, as best I could after I'd passed her. I still had to keep up _my_ appearance after all.

But when I saw all the faces of my friends turned and looking after her once again, I didn't want to sit down only to have to listen to them discuss how 'unusual' Cat was being recently.

So I turned and walked back into the school, I didn't know where I planned on going but I decided the black box theatre would be an okay place to eat my lunch in peace. How wrong I was.

When I approached the door I heard music coming from a crack in the doorway, someone was in there already. I immediately turned to leave until I realized who it was singing, and _what _they were singing.

(**A/N **The song is 'Broke' by Natalia Kills.)

_"Don't want your money,_

_no dirty promise._

_Don't want the memories,_

_that echo in my head."_

I felt frozen to the spot, I couldn't move even if I wanted to.

_"You left me stranded,_

_caught you red handed._

_You tore my heart out,_

_and left me here for dead."_

Even when I knew she was singing about me I couldn't help but feel awed still at her voice, she should've done the concert... Not me...

_"If I am giving,_

_I'm giving up._

_I'm empty handed,_

_you took enough."_

My guilt increased tenfold listening to her sing, but I still couldn't force myself to leave.

_"But if I had a dime for_

_every single time you_

_ever made me cry_

_I'd be a millionaire._

_If I had a dime for_

_every single time_

_I should have say 'goodbye'_

_I'd be a millionaire."_

I felt tears fill my eyes again.

_"But I don't, don't cause you left me broke._

_But I don't, don't cause you left me broke."_

_"My love is priceless,_

_can't buy my time back._

_So let's forget all our regrets_

_and keep the change._

_You don't define me,_

_only remind me._

_I'd rather beg than live that lie with you again."_

I slid down the wall by the door just listening to her. My tears threatening to spill. I missed my best friend so much, and she was so close. But she hated me, and it was all my fault too.

_"If I am giving,_

_I'm giving up._

_I'm empty handed,_

_you took enough."_

I gave her a damn personality disorder, and I still couldn't say anything to her... nothing at all...

_"But if I had a dime for_

_every single time you_

_ever made me cry_

_I'd be a millionaire._

_If I had a dime for_

_every single time_

_I should have say 'goodbye'_

_I'd be a millionaire."_

If _I _had a dime for everytime I wished things could go back to how they once were, I'd be a _billionaire..._

_"But I don't, don't cause you left me broke._

_But I don't, don't cause you left me broke."_

_"You had it all._

_But all I am is not enough,_

_So I'm taking back my heart._

_I'm richer without you,_

_with nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing."_

I felt a tear escape one of my eyes and roll down my cheek, but I didn't move to wipe it away. I was still frozen.

_"But if I had a dime for_

_every single time you_

_ever made me cry_

_I'd be a millionaire._

_If I had a dime for_

_every single time_

_I should have say 'goodbye'_

_I'd be a millionaire."_

I'm so sorry Cat... I wish that... Things had turned out differently...

_"But I don't, don't._

_But I don't, don't._

_But I don't, don't._

_'Cause you left me broke._

_You know you left me broke._

_But I don't don't."_

The music stopped and I realized that lunch was almost over and that students would come in here soon, not only that but that I had to get away before Cat noticed me. She wouldn't want to see me after all.

I stood up slowly, wiping my eyes and made to leave when suddenly the door was wide open and a wide eyed Cat stood there staring at me like she wasn't sure I was really there or not. I wanted to say so many things... I wanted to say something! I wasn't supposed to but... I couldn't stand it anymore.

I gave a small smile trying to cover up the fact that I had been crying.

"I-it was great Cat... g-good job..." I said quietly before bolting off in the other direction trying to rub the tears in my eyes away. I could feel her eyes on me all the way until I turned a corner.

"I'm sorry Cat..." I mumbled under my breath as I slowed to walking pace in front of my class. I took a deep breath to gain my composure and stepped inside, awaiting the hell-hole my mind was surely going to be in once my history teacher started teaching.

"I'm so sorry Cat..."

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**How was that for a one o'clock in the morning chapter? Like it? Or not? I'm making progress though right? Do you think? One small step closer to them making up? D: Hopefully... Love you guys as always. Stay frosty!**

**-NZfulla**


	6. I'm not stupid

**Sorry it's been a while! And I bet you're more annoyed that I didn't update my other main story instead but I've been wanting to write this for a while and finally figured out a way to do it so... after tomorrow I should be much... uh free-er... to write :) I've been practicing for a dance thing called stage challenge for a long time and it's tomorrow! So wish me luck! Anyway... even if this is sad now I swear it will get better! It will! It should anyway... but oh well to the story!**

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_She talked to me! _I thought, stunned for a moment. She watched Jade practically run away, unable to say anything because she'd been so shocked.

What's more Jade had been _crying_. But I refuse to believe it had been because of my singing, no, it couldn't have been that. After all, Jade doesn't care about me anymore.

_But... she did talk to me! She was nice to me! _I was still shocked long after the goth had disappeared round the corner. _No, I can't let her get to me... she's just setting me up so I can fall all over again. She is an actor after all._

I couldn't quite convince herself fully that this was the case, but the bell caused me to push all thoughts of the girl to the back of her mind. I had to get to math.

I walked quickly to my class and took my seat and started to write down the notes my teacher was putting on the board.

"Does anybody know the answer to question number one?" He asked with a slightly bored expression. I glanced at the board and quickly did the equation in my head.

It was always like this, I knew the answer to everything we did in class. But I never put myself forward to answer them, I was supposed to be the stupid one. I frowned slightly, didn't I just decide to try give up the dumb act? Yes I did, so what am I doing holding myself back.

I put my hand in the air and the teacher glanced at me and sighed.

"Cat you know you don't have to ask to go to the bathroom, you can just leav-..." He began but I frowned and cut him off.

"No, sir, I know the answer." I said with a frown. My frown deepened when he let out a laugh.

"Okay then, give it a go." He waved vaguely at the board and waited with an amused expression.

Boy, did I wipe that smirk off his face when I got it right.

"C-Cat!" He stumbled. "You got it right."

"Does that have to be so surprising?" I huffed. The bell sounded before he could reply which probably was a good thing for both himself and for me. I stood up, packed up my gear and walked out in a light huff.

Halfway to my next class I heard somebody call out to me.

My first thought was that it Jade but as I turned my head I quickly discovered it was actually the singing teacher.

"Did you dye your hair Cat?" He asked confused for a second, then shook his head. "Never mind, I came to ask you a question."

"Yes?" I replied slight confused and unsure, the last time he came to talk to me was about the showcase concert, which I had pulled out of for Jade.

"Well today is the next Full Moon Jam as you know, but I just saw one of my students who was scheduled to perform and they said they wanted to pull out." He said. "Of all the times! I know this is a big ask of you but... would you perform for them instead?"

I must've looked as unsure as I felt because he continued.

"I know you didn't want to do the showcase but this is still a big opportunity for you and I think you should take it." He said. "In fact, the person who just pulled out specifically suggested that you take her place."

"Well, I suppose I'd better then. I don't know what on earth I'll sing though." I said thoughtfully.

"I'm sure you'll be great." He smiled and then turned to leave.

"May I ask who it was that dropped out?" I asked curiously.

"Ah yes, I believe you know her quite well actually. It was a miss Jade West." He said before turning and walking away.

_Jade just pulled out... and suggested that I perform instead? Hah, impossible. I must've heard wrong._

I shook my head, either way I better go find Andre. After that math lesson, I knew exactly what song I was going to sing.

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I stood on the side of the stage almost jiggling with excitement. It was always a rush to perform on stage, no matter what mood I was in prior to the actual performance.

I was so excited I almost missed my name being called and Andre had to motion for me to come forward before I took the first step onto the stage.

I looked out to the students and teachers alike gathered in front of me, waiting to hear me sing. But I automatically was scanning the rows for one person in particular. _Jade._ There she was, sitting front row. She wasn't supposed to be able to make it, but there she was.

I was feeling very conflicted and confused, but somehow knowing she was there, even after all she'd done to me, all I'd done to her, it still comforted me.

Then the music started and I remembered why I was here in the first place, and all the reasons why her presence shouldn't comfort me. All the things that made me pick this song in particular, and the comforting vibes were long since forgotten.

I heard some of the students cheer as they recognized the song, but the ones who this song was directed at didn't. Good. I want them to here it first hand from me.

(**A/N **This song is called 'Stupid in Love' by Rihanna.)

_"Mhmm... stupid in love. Oh, stupid in love."_ I sang as Andre played the keyboard. _"Mhm."_

The crowd cheered, those who hadn't heard me sing before seemed slightly surprised but wooted anyway.

_"Let me tell you something. _

_Never have I ever, been a size ten in my whole life.  
I left the engine running, _

_I just came to see, _

_what you would do if I _

_gave you a chance to make things right."_

I felt everyones eyes on me, but it only fueled my desire to sing this song. To each and every singly person here today.

_"So I made it, _

_even though Katie _

_told me that this would be _

_nothing but a waste of time, _

_and she was right. Mhm. _

_Don't understand it,_

_blood on your hands_

_and still you insist_

_on repeatedly trying to_

_tell me lies._

_And I just don't know why, oh."_

I look to my friends now.

_"This is stupid,_

_I'm not stupid,_

_don't talk to me,_

_like I'm stupid."_

I glance at my math teacher who has he decency to look somewhat embarrassed, but then I look back to Jade.

_"I still love you _

_but I just can't do this._

_I may be dumb but_

_I'm not stupid."_

I look at Jade as I sing_, _and somehow even when I'm directing a song at her and my friends she still manages to calm me. It's making me quite frustrated actually.

_"My new nickname _

_is 'you idiot' (such an idiot)._

_Mhm, thats what my friends_

_are calling me when_

_they see me yelling into_

_my phone._

_They tellin' me 'let go',_

_'he is not the one.'_

_I thought I saw your potential,_

_guess thats what made me dumb."_

I turn away, finding it harder to look at her face after seeing her cry this morning. I knew deep inside she felt remorse for what she did and is doing to me, but I had to speak up about this.

_" 'He don't want it,_

_not like you want it._

_Scheming and cheating,_

_oh girl why do you waste_

_your time. _

_You know he aint right.'_

_Telling me this, _

_I don't wanna listen,_

_but you insist on repeatedly_

_trying to tell me lies._

_And I just don't know why."_

I turn to my friends and even look back at Andre as I return to the chorus.

_"This is stupid,_

_I'm not stupid,_

_don't talk to me,_

_like I'm stupid._

_I still love you _

_but I just can't do this._

_I may be dumb but_

_I'm not stupid."_

I turn back to Jade, and even though I still feel guilty, and I realize I shouldn't, I can't help but remember all the nice things she's done for me. But I can't let them distract me from my song.

_"Tryna make this work,_

_but you act like a jerk._

_Silly of me to keep holdin' on. (Oh)_

_But the dunce cap is off,_

_you don't know what you've lost._

_And you won't realize_

_till I'm gone, gone gone._

_That I was the one._

_Which one of us is_

_really dumb. Ohh, ooh."_

I have to look away again and I direct my singing back to the crowd.

_"Noo, noo, no, I'm not,_

_Stupid in love. (This is stupid)_

_No, no. (I'm not stupid)_

_No, no, no. (Don't talk to me.)_

_LIke I'm stupid. (Like I'm_

_Stupid in love."_

I glance at Jade one more time before singing the last part of the song.

_"I still love you but I_

_just can't do this. (Just can't do this)_

_I may be dumb but_

_I'm not stupid._

_I may be dumb but,_

_I'm not stupid,_

_in love."_

The crowd, who had been silent throughout most of the entire song, snapped out of their trance and went crazy. I took a quick bow, and avoided Jade's stare which I felt on me, and quickly left the stage.

I had finally gotten out my feelings, now I would have to face the aftermath of them.

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**Finally the sixth chapter! Sorry it took so long! But it's done. I hope you liked it, I've been waiting to use this song for a long time. I hope you like that too! Late disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! Not the music nor the characters or Victorious. Sadly. But oh well, I do on the plot to this story! Which I hope the few reading this do enjoy. Leave me a review or a PM! I don't mind constructive criticism, as long as it's constructive. Oh well, off to bed now! 12:22am and I have a dance show tomorrow xD bad choice, but I felt hit by inspiration so... yeah. Hope you liked! Have a good day, and good luck with whatever big things you guys surely have soon! Stay frosty!**

**-NZfulla**

**P.S For the people who know I had exams recently, I just wanted you to know I got excellence in all my english ones :D yay. Science... well thats another thing completely but woot woot! English xD love you all.**


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